How to Tell People You've Retired From Alcohol
By Colin Casillas, Founder of Prepared Sobriety
Month two. A work dinner. I'm holding a club soda, bracing for the question I'd rehearsed an answer to.
Nobody asked.
Somebody noticed the glass, said "oh, not drinking tonight," and went right back to talking about the client's renewal timeline.
That was the whole exchange. Five seconds. Then it was over.
How much do you actually have to explain?
Not much. "I don't drink" answers the question completely.
You don't owe anyone a paragraph. You're not on trial.
The people who push past that answer and want the full story are rare. Usually they have their own reason for asking.
Early on I over-prepared. I had a version ready. When I stopped. Why. What changed.
Most nights I never used it. The question wasn't as loaded as I'd made it the night before, lying awake running the script.
What did it feel like the first time you said it?
Bigger than it needed to be.
Before it was official, I told two close friends. "I might be done." Just that.
Their word back to me mattered more than I expected. One said he'd cut back significantly himself. The other said he'd thought about doing the same thing.
Saying it out loud didn't just commit me. It gave them permission to say something they'd been sitting on too. That's part of what the five-stage framework gets at, the moment you say it out loud is its own turning point, before Day One ever arrives.
Does the answer change depending on who's asking?
The words don't. The room does.
A prospect at a client dinner gets "I don't drink," flat, and the conversation moves on in five seconds.
A close friend gets the same three words, but with more room around them. They already know there's more to it. They're not asking to make small talk.
What happens when people don't believe you?
Six months in, somebody offers you a drink like the last six months never happened.
Somebody says "come on, just one" at a wedding.
That's not a sign your answer was unclear. It means they forgot, or they're testing the door to see if it's still shut.
Not your problem to manage. You already said the sentence. You don't owe it more conviction the second time. If you've ever wondered why a simple question about your drinking used to put you on edge, that reaction is its own story, and it's worth knowing it doesn't have to work that way anymore.
Does it get easier?
Yes. Faster than you'd think.
Month one, every mention of it felt loaded. Month four, it had the same weight as saying you don't eat gluten, or you're the designated driver tonight.
Nobody remembers the exact night you told them. They just know it about you now. The same way they know where you went to college.
At the end of the day, you don't need the speech you've been writing in your head. You need one sentence, and then you need to change the subject back to whatever you were actually talking about.
Three words did more work than the whole rehearsed version ever would have.
What's the version you've been rehearsing, and who are you most dreading saying it to? If you want to work through it before you say it out loud, that's a lot of what coaching covers early on.
Frequently asked questions
What do you say when someone asks why you're not drinking?
"I don't drink." That's a complete answer, no reason required. Most people accept it and move on within seconds. Say more only if you want to, never because the question demands it.
Do I have to explain why I quit drinking?
No. It's a personal decision about your own health. A short, flat statement works in almost every setting, from client dinners to family gatherings. You don't owe anyone the full story.
How do I tell my coworkers I don't drink anymore?
Say it once, plainly, then change the subject. Coworkers care less than you expect. A short answer at a work dinner reads as confident. It rarely gets a follow-up question.
What if people don't believe I've actually stopped drinking?
Some will test it anyway, offering a drink or asking "just one?" months later. That's about them forgetting or checking, not your answer being unclear. You don't need to repeat yourself with more force.
Does telling people get easier over time?
Yes. The first few times feel significant. Within a few months, it's an ordinary fact about you, the same weight as any other detail people just know.
Should I tell people before I'm sure I'm done, or wait until it's official?
Saying "I might be done" out loud, even before it's certain, often helps. It raises your own accountability. It can also prompt people close to you to admit they've thought the same thing.